Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
