i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
