Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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