YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You are the jesus of drinking
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
