We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
