Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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