I CAN MOONWALK!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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