I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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