is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
