If that was your dad, he is hot
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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