If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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