I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize