The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
