Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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