I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
