According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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