So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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