i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
