What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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