is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it glows. i had to have it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
