she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
accomplished twins. life is a go
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
