Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
