I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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