I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
