I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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