tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
