Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
