We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
