I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
