i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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