I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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