Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
