He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
