Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
