just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
