i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
