C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Enjoy the penises
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
