my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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