So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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