what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
