p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
