I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
