Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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