I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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