Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
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she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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