Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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