Tell her she can't have a vagina
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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