Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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