oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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