whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
