I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
