Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
