Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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