I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
