Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
