wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
