Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
