i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
