...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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