Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
