I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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