saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
