ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
