I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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