I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
