david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
