My nipple is on Facebook.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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