I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
