can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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