He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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