dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
