you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
