why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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