I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
