so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
