Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need to sanitize my soul.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
