When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
