i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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