The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
