Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
